Suggestions for Teeth

I'm finally becoming comfortable with the fact that I dress differently than a lot of the people here. It's hard to be in a new place where you're not familiar with the customs and be aware that you're visibly different than everyone but you feel helpless to change it. Now I sort of know what the fashions are and I feel ok bucking them. It's sort of like knowing the rules so you can break them.

Except that that sounds really bad-ass whereas all I'm doing is wearing my ratty sweatshirt and beanie instead of nicer clothes. But, as I stood at the crosswalk today with a girl who had low-slung jeans with a mystifying zipper that ran perpendicular to her buttcrack and under her belt-loops and a guy with a frosted fashion-mullet I felt ok about that.

In other news, I've been catching up on movies finally now that I've figured out how to stream them illegally. At Bennington I had Netflix and the library, but here I was pretty much out of luck on the legal DVD front (unless I, y'know, wanted to pay for them individually).
Thankfully the internet has a lot of movies on it! Even though a lot of the movies are things like Rob Schneider's The Hot Chick.

Hey, remember The Hot Chick?



The irritating thing is that a lot of the movies have been compressed weirdly, maintaining their widescreen imagery but squishing it horizontally so it fits into a standard viewer. Because of this and the general poor image-quality, I've been trying to watch movies that are more talky and less visual.

The movies I've watched:
I watched Network the other day. Have you ever seen that movie? It is maybe the best film I've ever seen. I was absolutely blown away. In Freed-ian terms: so good!

I then watched The Savages, which wasn't blow-you-away good, but pretty good nonetheless. It's hard to go wrong with Philip Seymore Hoffman and Laura Linney.

Finally I watched Teeth. You know, the movie about a girl with a toothed vagina? After being weaned on movies with brilliant ideas and shitty execution, any horror movie fan knows when not to get his or her (probably his) hopes up too high for movies that sound too good to be true. If every horror movie lived up to the promise of it's premise, Troma would be pumping out Oscar-winners instead of absolute trash (except for Cannibal: The Musical, which is pretty good).



So, obviously, Teeth wasn't amazing, but it was alright. It's hard to judge a movie about vagina dentata (that's right - that's the medical term) by standards except for those that it sets up. It's not like there's a long history of great vagina-teeth movies that it has to live up to.
That said, some suggestions on how to make the movie better:

• When the vagina eats things it should go "Nom nom nom!"
• The twist at the end should have been that Dawn's boobs were also eyes, so her body was like a walking head.
• The vagina should talk.
• Show the vagina. They showed one of it's teeth, as well as severed penises being eaten by both a crab and a dog, but I'm still curious. The best idea they give us is the morgue dental expert saying that the strange tooth came from something like a shark mixed with a lamprey.
  
• Dawn should meet a squad of similarly afflicted women. They should form a new A-Team.