Leave the Christmas Tree Queen Alone!

CNN Headlines of the day:

• Robbers in drag steal $100 million in jewel heist
• Christmas tree queen told: "You're crazy"

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It's been a slowly day. I was interviewed by a girl doing a social-economics class about what it's like being an American in Belfast. It was more of a conversation, though, because whenever I'd say something then she'd tell me about her thoughts on it. And it lasted an hour longer than she said it would. Partly because she talked more than I did. Boring.

I finally saw the Christmas market in city center, which was full of delicious looking food. Santa was supposed to be there, but now I guess he's gone. My plan was/maybe still is to get a picture of him holding up a Christmas greeting to my secret Santa in the house, but now he's skated and I'm not sure where to find him. I guess he's up at the North Pole with the carpenter elves making presents. Like Bratz dolls.

Speaking of Bratz dolls, did you hear that Mattel won a lawsuit and now has the power to make them go away forever? Say what you will about Barbie (and there's plenty to say, the slag) but she's way better than those slutty little preteen freaks with their miniskirts and their excess cranial fluid. Of course, Mattel could just decide to manufacture Bratz on their own. Given how much money they make I wouldn't be surprised. But it would still depress me incredibly. That would mean Mattel would have a monopoly on unrealistic standards for little girls.

Worse than normal Bratz? Bratz Babyz.


Look at this little tramp. A bikini top, a coy little pose and a mouth like a blow-up doll and she can't be three years old. What is the world coming to? What are we teaching our babies?? Is our children learning??

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On a completely different topic, I started watching My So-Called Life this Friday. It's one of many shows that's been on my radar as a show I need to watch, but I know that when I do I'll get totally sucked in, so I've avoided it 'til I have time. Now that my heavy reading's over, I can indulge myself. Other shows like that: The Sopranos, Mad Men, The Wire, The Shield, Deadwood, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Freaks and Geeks/Undeclared (which I watched some of when they were originally on, but were a little close for comfort at the time. I still get cred points, though) and Star Trek: The Next Generation (which was on a lot in the Bow household when I was really young, so I have fond memories of it. I'm curious if those hold up or, like all my other Star Trek reactions, I don't cotton to it).

Anyways, My So-Called Life is nothing short of amazing. As I told Maggie Duffy, I am not in high school anymore and I'm not a female (anymore?) but I still feel a high school girl inside of me reacting like this show defines her whole existence. If you were to split up my personality into stock characters (like a certain Robin Williams movie I've heard is on the horizon) one would be a pre-pubescent boy, one would be an old man and one would be a teenage girl - call her Bowtina (or Boesha). I'm not saying that's all I have going on in there (one's bound to be a 21-year-old male from Oregon) but they crop up a lot. Anyway, Bonica - who is probably the impetus for rebelling against Victorian novels and regressing back to middle school with Twilight when I get home - is totally in love with this show and lives in a blissful world where Jared Leto never got fat and made Chapter 27.
Also, it really reflects my memories of the '90s. Some shows from this same period - like Friends, which is constantly on here - reflect '90s pop-culture, but not actual life. The Friends characters never lived in a world that wasn't two or three disconnects away from reality (have you seen their apartments? And Joey's an actor!). Watching Friends only reminds me of what it was like to be in the '90s watching Friends. My So-Called Life is reminding me of what it was actually like to live then. Wowee wow wow. And I'm only one episode in (so maybe I'm jumping the gun with my praise a little bit).

In other media news, I watched the awful '80s slasher, Pieces today. It was record-setting bad. I wish someone else had been here to watch it with me, but nobody here likes real horror movies. They'll watch things like Saw, which is like saying you like rock music because you listen to Hinder - it doesn't count.
The best scene in Pieces posted below. Please click for an Oscar-worthy performance by a woman playing a tennis-pro/detective(?) She's just discovered the body of another tennis star (topless, naturally) cut up in the locker room (by a chainsaw, naturally).



I also have to watch the BBC version of Tipping the Velvet, which should be interesting. I'm not sure how the censors would even approach a story about cross-dressing homosexual vaudevillian prostitutes. I mean, even the title is a euphemism for cunnilingus! So what I'm really saying is that I was basically assigned to read a book and watch a 3-hour adaptation called Cunnilingus.
I've been imagining what euphemisms possible sequels would have for titles and trying to make up my own. All of them are gross and none are funny enough to repeat here. I like to imagine that, had the book been written using slang from American Victorian culture rather than British it would be called something like Pussy Lickin', which would undoubtedly sell books. Or some made up slang, like Jazzin' the Cat or Washing the Dishes.
What is wrong with me?