Holy moly, I have so much to weblog about, but not the time nor energy.
Why? Because I've been hanging out with Margery Kempe all night, learning about how much Jesus loves her over the course of 400 pages (answer: thiiiiiiis much!).
Though I know it's not true, I like to imagine that this prematurely balding mongoloid on the cover of my copy of The Book of Margery Kempe is, in fact, the author. I think it's actually the stained glass window from the church where she worshipped by crying all over the place, St. Mongoloid's.
Reading this thick-ass, Jesus-packed non-starter of an autobiography along with Ancient and Victorian English has spurred me onto a new quest for my non-FWT.
It all started with all this hullabaloo and bullahooha about the new Twilight movie. Since my job this summer teaching little girls who are reading this presumably bullshit book I've been patting my back because I'm now a certified bonafide grown-up who doesn't go for that kid's stuff anymore. Yet... today there was a New York Times article yesterday about how fucking huge this phenomenon apparently is with the just-menstruating set. The Grey Lady said that girls are getting so excited that, before meeting the film's hunky, pubescent star outside of Hot Topics nationwide they're scratching their necks so they'll bleed for him. What?! In my day you didn't bleed for any books (except Island of Blue Dolphins, which demanded a child sacrifice).
How good must this book be to inspire young girls to cut themselves nationwide? (counterpoint: Linkin Park also has this effect). It must at least be titillating to some, weird girl-hormone. Or maybe... woman hormone? That's right, moms love Twilight too.
So, spurred on, as I said, by thick, boring, Jesus-y, Medieval lit and: a) a deepseated love of young-adult literature (having been a young-adult myself once) and b) a deepseated love for horror trash (see: the fact that I'm watching True Blood religiously every week even though it's kind of bad) - spurred on by these factors I think when the term ends and I go home to write my final papers for the term and relax/putter around the house I'm going to read at least the first book in the Twilight series and see what all the young girls/awful American tourists are cutting themselves about.
This also makes me want to revisit those other young-adult classics from the pit of middle school, as well as catch up on ones that I never got around to reading. It could be really fun! Plus, they take, like, a day to read now that I am taller/have better skin/don't think Garfield is funny. My freshman FWT I reread The Giver for my job at the Oregon Children's Theater and it was bomb! A list of the top of my head:
- Lord of the Flies - started rereading it a few years ago, scared the shit out of me
- Island of Blue Dolphins - never read it
- Flowers of Algernon - never read it
- To Kill a Mockingbird - read it twice. It's rad.
- Shabanu - I remember my whole class hating this book. I also remember descriptions of growing breasts (likened to apples and camel-droppings - gross), listening to your nomadic parents have sex in the tent next to you (gross) and camels cumming all over the ground (sexy. just kidding, gross). There was a storyline, too, but I can't remember it.
- Red Badge of Courage - never read it. The OCT was working on a production of it my freshman year as well as a rap musical. I bet that went well.
- Hatchet - fucking baller
- A Day No Pigs Would Die - read it. Don't remember anything.
- Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry - ditto
- The Cay - maybe read it... I think?
- Secret Garden - fucking baller (in a feminine way)
- Holes - pretty good. Ruined by Shia Lebouf.
- Animal Farm - sweet
- Yearling - sweet
Please love me. I'm gonna put that reminder in bold until you do. In bold.
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14 comments:
When I was in elementary school, I used to think "I hope I die before ____" (usually the sentence ended with "my next dentist visit"). But I do remember a period in 4th grade when I gave the dentist a break and traded him out for "before my book report on Island of the Blue Dolphins is due". Similar feelings about The Cay in 6th grade, though by then I was beginning to realize what a fucked up solution it was.
Consider (re)reading Tuck Everladting and Bridge to Terabithia. I remember liking those, even before they made shitty movies of both!
Also I hope somewhere there's a Catholic teen who has chosen St. Mongoloid at their Confirmation.
My 2 favorite kids books of all time:
The Phantom Tollbooth
My Side of the Mountain
I'm sure you've read both, but they're probably due for a re-reading. Maybe we should have a young-adult book club?? I'd be down!
I am drunk, I love your blog. I am drunk and loving your blog at 3:15 in the AM in 35 degree blustery weather, i just stumbled home and i want you to know that I love you, so much.
love love love love love. I can't tell you how much love I have for this blog and you. Seriously, I cant; tell you. It's embarassing. I'm drunk. I ate mcdonalds because im really drunk and i just got home. Did I mention that I'm drunk? I bet you can guess who I am. Drunk.
Rachel - I remember nothing about the Cay, though I'm pretty sure I had to read it. Was it about an old man?
I do remember that every girl I knew really liked Island of Blue Dolphins, so I'm thinking now that it will be some key to understanding what pre-teen girls were thinking. It will fill in all the blanks I couldn't then. Or maybe it'll just be about dolphins or something.
I read Tuck Everlasting in 4th grade and remember liking it, but I didn't even know Bridge to Terabithia was a book. I should read both of those!
Sally - Phantom Tollbooth was my favorite book as a little kid. I'm kind of scared I'll read it again and my haze of reverential love will dissipate a little.
I've never read My Side of the Mountain - what's it about?
Eva - I love you too!
Other memories:
I never read Clan of the Cave Bear. Was it good?
I did read A Bone From a Dry Sea - it was about growing up as a pre-teen Neanderthal girl. All I remember is that she develops a lot of hair and hits a bunch of things with bones and rocks.
More suggestions?
Oh man - "My Side of the Mountain" is totally awesome. It was also my dad's favorite book as a kid!
It's about this kid who runs away from home and survives in the Catskills by himself. He lives in a hollowed out tree trunk and makes his own furniture and clothes and, most importantly, HAS A PET FALCON!! And he has other animal friends (but he can't talk to them). I enjoyed it because it was really detailed.
Maybe I'll reread this.. I love it so much.
Also, I love you! Hope you're doing well.
That sounds awesome! We should totally have a young adult book club this winter!
Other rememberances:
Dogsong - by the guy who wrote hatchet. I remember the first chapter made me cry because they killed a lot of dogs. Then later there's a part where the dogs think about dog-heaven where the food is so good that they throw it up so they can eat it again. Gross!
The Lathe of Heaven - an awesome, awesome sci-fi novel we read in 8th grade. And it's set in Portland!
The Cay is about some privileged English boy that gets shipwrecked on an island with an old man. I think his name is Timothy, but on the audio book we had it was pronounce "Timo'tee."
We read this book called Maroo of the Winter Caves, which sounds a lot like Bone from a Dry Sea. You should read them both to see who wins in the Ultimate Neanderthal Preteen Girl Smackdown.
The only other books that stand out for me, besides Sweet Valley High (sweet, sweet Sweet Valley HIgh) are The Witch of Blackbird Pond (colonial America), Constance (pilgrims) and Catherine Called Birdy (middle ages). All skewed to the female audience, but Brian Pietras loved Catherine Called Birdy.
Was there actually a witch in the Witch of Blackbird Pond or would I be wasting my time?
Neanderthal pre-teen girl smackdown? Awesome!
Oh, there was a witch.
Did you ever read The Way of the Peaceful Warrior? I don't know if it's technically a YA book, but we had to read it in middle school. Basically the story of Luke Skywalker if he was a lonely gymnast in the early 70's.
Also, THE DARK IS RISING! I feel like Susan Cooper is the only reason I can stand taking classes with Annabel.
Aside from that, I don't remember much as far as what I read in school. I mostly just read Rimbaud on my own and made out with boys with pink hair behind the gym.
I was gonna leave a post that said the drunk comment had to have been from Eva. But lo and behold you figured that one out too and it was. I had to read The Cay before I went into Junior High (it was a summer reading assignment) and I still have these foam core drawings of the old man in my house. They're one of those things no one can throw away cause I was still kind of a baby but we'd all be better off if we did.
Are you there god, its me Margaret. This was where I learned about periods, and where periods sound kinda sexy. Which they are not. and nobody but women praying that they aren't pregnant want them. So Are you there god, its me Margaret, why did you curse me with this terribly bloody Virginia?
Also I am drunk too. I just realized I should probably point that out.
Phantom Tollbooth is the only good thing that ever happend. Also the Narnia chronicles. Also Dealing with Dragons.
I read this aweful book in third grade with my adult power lunch partner who worked at saatchi and saatchi and who was convinced my parents were abusing me, about a blue plate. It was the worst book of all time. I wish I could remember its name so I could write to Barack Obama and ask him to ban it because that book, THAT was child abuse. And I swear I just liked eatting plain bagels for lunch and my parents weren't starving me.
-christina
Russell - The Dark is Rising was great! I'm afraid if I start reading that again I'll want to read the whole series. The Way of the Peaceful Warrior sounds familiar. Was it the type of book that helped you deal with bullies? Will it make me want to make out hang out behind gyms looking for boys with pink hair?
Also, there were witches? Sweet.
Christina - Now I'm remembering The Cay. I'm pretty sure I have some terrible art projects about that book kicking around my house, as well. Narnia was hella good, but what's Dealing With Dragons?
I really want to read Are You There God...? Then I will learn the secrets of menstruation. Can you remember the blue plate book? That sounds fun, too.
When I go home I think I'm just gonna go to the library with a shopping bag.
PS. the "bloody Virginia" thing made me laugh and laugh
Re: Are You There God It's Me Margaret
In fact, if you do read this book to learn the secrets of menstruation it might confuse you, because this book was written so long ago during a time when there were things like menstrual pads that had to be attached to some kind of belt and strapped to the young woman like some kind of medieval chastity device. This confused me when I was a young prepubescent reading it. So, just remember: Tampons changed everything...
xo, E.
I'll always remember - tampons changed everything.
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