Things I Learned From CNN Today

• Meghan McCain is kinda sorta awesome.
• Walter from The Big Lebowski was based on the writer of Apocalypse Now and Dirty Harry.
• Quoting films to other people in lieu of actually talking "stirs passion." Presumably because it makes you look like a twat.
• They found and authenticated an actual portrait of Shakespeare.
• Bad marriages are bad for your health. Ice is cold. The ocean is deep. Snow is white.
  
• Barbie is based on a German gag-doll of a gypsy prostitute named Bild Lilli. Also there is a life-sized Malibu dream home that features, among other insane things, a chandelier made out of Barbie's hair.

• There's such a thing as a "green" bullet.
• The article "Some banks should be allowed to fail, say two top Republicans" looks like a parody because Sen. Ron Shelby cuts a figure that makes me imagine his inner life to resemble that of Montgomery Burns:

• When Republicans are talking about stem cell research it is of dire importance. When a Democrat is talking about it, it's a distraction. Also, Republicans fear that soon we will be "embryo-harvesting." Wait, is that a distraction or something to get hysterical about?

ALSO:

If you missed The Daily Show last Wednesday night it was a really fucking great episode. Ch-ch-check it out.

ALSO:

Maybe I got out of Northern Ireland at the right time.

By the way...

Did anyone else see the response to Obama by Bobby Jindal and think it was incredibly silly in almost every way? I didn't know what to make of the fact that the GOP had suddenly started touting him as their future - "Hey, you guys like young, ethnic men? We got those!" I was ready to see some formidable opposition from the Grand Old Party, but, man does this guy seem like a clown. Am I wrong?

Click here to watch it


"I actually suck!"

Shoe Me Once, Shame On You. Shoe Me Twice... We Won't Get Shoed Again

I can't stop blogging!
I thought the post I just did about An American Carol would be my only one of the day, but this was too good to pass up. These last three posts have actually been a triptych (in honor of Benjamin Busch) documenting things that are so amazing they need no parody.

When I got home tonight and turned to CNN, I was treated to the information that an Iraqi reporter threw his shoes at George Bush today (apparently "one of the ULTIMATE insults an Arab can make"... besides, you know, blowing you up).



Symbolic actions like this rarely hit the intended mark, in my view. A lot of times somebody making a big scene to call attention to a cause or belief will either interrupt or hinder something that's actually working towards their aim or put off supporters by the sheer callousness. But here, it's really pretty perfect, isn't it? It's not like it interrupted some peace talk that might be actually taking us somewhere - Ol' GW is just over in Iraq to give some face-time while he's counting down his last days. And I don't know how put off any Iraqis could be - even if shoe-throwing is the ULTIMATE insult - considering the even ULTIMATER insult of fucking up a war in their country.

Let's look at what CNN has to say:

The shoe-thrower -- identified as Muntadhar al-Zaidi, an Iraqi journalist with Egypt-based al-Baghdadia television network -- could be heard yelling in Arabic: "This is a farewell ... you dog!"

While pinned on the ground by security personnel, he screamed: "You killed the Iraqis!"

Al-Zaidi was dragged away. While al-Zaidi was still screaming in another room, Bush said: "That was a size 10 shoe he threw at me, you may want to know."

What a great response! "You killed Iraqis!" "Hey, that guy threw a pretty big shoe at me. That could have really hurt! Must have pretty big feet, heh heh."

"So what if the guy threw his shoe at me?" Bush told a reporter in response to a question about the incident.

Yeah, so what? People throw things at him all the time! Maybe nobody told him it was the ULTIMATE insult...

"Let me talk about the guy throwing his shoe. It's one way to gain attention. It's like going to a political rally and having people yell at you. It's like driving down the street and having people not gesturing with all five fingers. ...

"These journalists here were very apologetic. They ... said this doesn't represent the Iraqi people, but that's what happens in free societies where people try to draw attention to themselves."

I bet if they still had a dictatorship nobody would be embarrassing the country like that. Maybe those Taliban guys have a point...




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just below on the CNN homepage: McCain Won't Say He'd Back Palin For President.

McCain was pressed on why he can't promise support for the woman who, just months ago, he named as the second best person to lead the nation.

"Have no doubt of my admiration and respect for her and my view of her viability, but at this stage, again ... my corpse is still warm, you know?" he replied.

Yes John, we know.