Things I Learned From CNN Today

• Meghan McCain is kinda sorta awesome.
• Walter from The Big Lebowski was based on the writer of Apocalypse Now and Dirty Harry.
• Quoting films to other people in lieu of actually talking "stirs passion." Presumably because it makes you look like a twat.
• They found and authenticated an actual portrait of Shakespeare.
• Bad marriages are bad for your health. Ice is cold. The ocean is deep. Snow is white.
  
• Barbie is based on a German gag-doll of a gypsy prostitute named Bild Lilli. Also there is a life-sized Malibu dream home that features, among other insane things, a chandelier made out of Barbie's hair.

• There's such a thing as a "green" bullet.
• The article "Some banks should be allowed to fail, say two top Republicans" looks like a parody because Sen. Ron Shelby cuts a figure that makes me imagine his inner life to resemble that of Montgomery Burns:

• When Republicans are talking about stem cell research it is of dire importance. When a Democrat is talking about it, it's a distraction. Also, Republicans fear that soon we will be "embryo-harvesting." Wait, is that a distraction or something to get hysterical about?

ALSO:

If you missed The Daily Show last Wednesday night it was a really fucking great episode. Ch-ch-check it out.

ALSO:

Maybe I got out of Northern Ireland at the right time.