Katy Perry, I Still Hate You

Ladies and gents, when I wrote my post about Katy Perry's enduring shittiness back in December, little did I know that it was going to be sent around the internet and discovered by actual Katy Perry fans. Increible! The power of this information super highway!

The responses I've gotten have inspired me to get back on that blog horse and ride, clarifying why Katy Perry sucks and you should hate her, too (that's hyperbole, middle schoolers; don't get in a tizzy yet). I'm happy to find that, here in the land of the free and the home of the brave, Perry's 15 minutes lasted its rightful course. That doesn't mean she's gone, though. So let's hold our breath and go back in, taking it back to the opening lines of "Hot n Cold" again to pick that shit apart.

"You change your mind like a girl changes clothes"

Ok, so that's just playing with a hackneyed stereotype; not necessarily offensive, but certainly not trenchant or funny. It's the kind of thing that seems so outdated to me; an ignorant sweeping statement from a past age. It might as well be about women bringing home so many hat boxes that men don't have room for their golf clubs. "You make excuses like my wife makes supper - poorly! Har har! Now lemme tell you about airplane food!" More disturbing than the implication that women are fickle and indecisive (at least when it comes to clothes - they love their clothes, amiright?) is the implication that men aren't and shouldn't be because it's a feminine trait.
More on that later.

It goes on:

"You PMS like a bitch - I should know"

Here's where it gets more complicated. PMS, something that is inherently feminine (at least in the literal sense), is being used as an insult. Basically, "you're acting like a girl;" a little playground chauvinism. Like "don't be a fag," it's putting down a whole group of people for being different. More than that, Perry ropes herself into the inferior group. She's a fickle bitch and she's proud of it! But that doesn't mean you can be one, indecisive guy; unlike her, you can probably help it.

Where does this weird latter part come from? Why, it comes with help from the song's co-writers, Dr. Luke and Max Martin! Two men - surprise! See, if Katy Perry were just a shitty singer-songwriter things would be a little different, but the fact of the matter is that she is part of an industry made up of people - many of the men - who are capitalizing on selling this inferior, bimbo-bitch image to the very people it's trying to keep down. Not like it's trying to keep them down in some sinister/conspiracy-theory way - I doubt Dr. Luke, Max Martin or even Perry herself even thought about it - but a minstrel show's still a minstrel show.

That brings me, briefly, to Perry's bigger song, "I Kissed a Girl." Where once Jill Sobule tread with introspection, Perry struts with the lesbian-lite, attention-grabbing look-at-me attitude of a college girl who thinks it's wild to kiss someone of the same sex. Aren't I crazy? Bet you never thought you'd see me doing this! Fuck you, mom and dad! But don't worry, I still have a boyfriend and care what he thinks, so I'm not really an icky lesbian. That's hot, right?
On that note I could go into her failed single, "Ur So Gay," but that really speaks for itself doesn't it? Doesn't it??



But that's just who Perry is, old maaan! She's a crazy bitch who don't care what no one thinks!
You mean she's not a calculated, iron-on icon who was created to fill pockets? Then what do we make of her career starting point as the Christian pop singer, Katy Hudson? Ellen Carpenter at Spin Magazine says it better than me:

"But I can claim to be an old-school Perry hater. It began in 2004, when she told another music magazine, "I'm completely outrageous and I'll do anything for attention!" This from the daughter of two pastors, who had already attempted to be a contemporary Christian music star, but whose debut didn't skyrocket her to Michael W. Smith heights (despite Christianity Today calling her song "Growing Pains" "pure ear candy with the message that we're being molded perpetually into Christ's image")."

Now I know it's been almost ten years since Katy Hudson came out and I know that people can change, but my guess is that the change that came over Katy Perry was a desire for more money.

Now with that all said, I'm willing to pull the microscope out. I hate it when adults spend their time wringing their hands about the impressionability of today's youth. I was a youth not very long ago and I remember how little credit I got for my own intelligence. I also understand the argument that "the song's just fun." Why pick it apart?
Well, because it's everywhere. And kids are listening to it. And some kids - maybe not you bright young things reading this - are dumb as dirt; willing to swallow the old gender stereotypes that this contrived cash-cow is pushing.

Lastly, my speculation on the future of Katy Perry:
Next comes the weak sophomore effort with songs that sound like "I Kissed a Girl" and "Hot n Cold" but less catchy. People will move on to someone else. Maybe Miley Cyrus will start flashing her crotch getting out of cars or something and that's where attention will shift.
After that, Katy Perry will reinvent herself, releasing a softer, more mature album of acoustic songs showing "the real Katy Perry." It will have a one-word title - probably Katy. One of the songs might be about God.
Then the world will forget...