Strap another horse to the bitchin' post

Dear Belfast and friends in Belfast,
I'm a little drunk right now, but before I go to bed I have a confession to make: I hate your music. The music you listen to here is, almost without exception, complete shit.

Before coming over to the UK I labored under the delusion that there was great music in Britain that never made it over to the US due to our cultural differences. I was wrong. America actually does a great job of making sure your Euro-trash nostalgia has as much chance of crossing the Atlantic as British soldiers in redcoats.

I tried to reach out and find common ground, like the Knife, Lykke Li and hip-hop from the '90s, but you rejected me. I wouldn't feel so hostile if you hadn't derided my music, instead putting on the following songs:







Don't fuck with me, Belfast, I know I'm right. The year 2000 is over. You need to move on. None of this is viable music, even if (especially if) you have to put a rave beat behind it and drop pills to make it relevant.
And don't get me started on that fucking Kid Rock song. If you didn't know who Lynyrd Skynard was before hearing it, you certainly haven't been "singing 'Sweet Home Alabama' all summer." Also he rhymes "different things" with "funny things," which is not something a "Rock and Roll Jesus" would do.

Also, please stop playing Blink 182 and Wheatus' "Teenage Dirtbag." It's like rolling a corpse over just to smell it fresh. Some things deserve to be buried!