Brick Casey Taught Me the Confidence of Abstinence

Everyone who watches enough viral videos has seen that clever French contraception PSA where the dad is trying to do his grocery shopping and the kid is being a brat. Don't have unwanted children, har har. In between doing my homework (I'm back reading The Way We Live Now and it feels so good!), when most of my blogging takes place, I started thinking about how many awesome pro-abstinance commercials there must be available on youtube. I found professional videos (sweet), non-professional youth-group videos (sweeter) and music videos (ultrasweet):


If you're like me then you assumed that the note being passed is about the teacher. This point of view makes this PSA much more enjoyable.


What is TRUTH? Can we really trust it? You really can't trust anyone about anything! You're living in a two-dimensional city of lies! Oh, except trust my disembodied voice about this no-sex thing... that's true.



But what does acclaimed CDBaby artist Brick Casey have to say? This music video has the answer.
Best part: "If he really cared he would go to church and pray wit' ya/ all he do is talk a lot and play wit' ya (BLAH BLAH BLAH)"



Yo, straight outta Guyana, SolidYouth is here for your feature edification! It's like a group of four Sean Paul's and they are all Christian. SolidYouth's suggestion for an alternative to sexual actvity: A walk at the zoo.



Whoah, nothing gets your attention like a record scratch! The (only?) three members of this youth group seem to be suggesting that there is something wrong with politely asking before sharing an STD with a loved one. Honestly, I have to give this kid some points for class - though personally I would have written a little poem.



The user that posted this ad says it speaks for itself. I beg to differ. Could this commercial be more elliptical? I suppose it doesn't matter, as all other thoughts go out the window after the disconcerting close-up of the dude grabbing his boner.



The scary thing - the baby's father is a shadow puppet.



No words can describe the shitty awesomeness or the awesome shittiness of this video.



This clubhouse full of 12-year-olds picking up 12-year-olds is a regular Gomorrah.
"What are you about to do?"
"Oh, I'm 'bout to... you know! Come on now!"
"No man, that's not cool."
Oh ok, problem solved. Now just materialize on a couch and tell me all about it.



The real crown jewel that I found is this slow-as-molasses computer game nightmare masquerading as a lazy attempt at a school project. Lemme break it down for you to save you 4 and a half minutes and try and explain what I think is happening here:
Geddy Lee enters a French maid/Little Bo Peep's future mansion in hopes of "a smooch." Luckily she rebuffs him with an "Eww!" and hits him with a rubber chicken(??). "Get lost you scumm!"
Geddy promptly apologizes for offending her and they sit in armchairs staring at the walls. After an unbearably long pause he tells Bo Peep, "I feel something between us." This must be the so-called confidence of abstinence where the video gets it's title, and apparently it's not creepy at all.
Cut to Geddy and Peep standing in a vortex waving, saying "the confidence of abstinence." Fin.

According to 15-year-old auteur, Jakeh89, one of the main themes in this video is playing with the viewer's expectations by presenting pro-abstinence images with "pro-sex music" (read. 50 Cent fucking non-stop). I'm pretty sure he thought if he stuck that on here he could swing a C and survive until gym class.